Take a breath there! (Wordiness)

It's been pointed out to me several times over the course of my 23 years that, sometimes when I'm talking, I just keep going without even taking a breath. I've made a conscious effort not do this since realizing that people were missing out on what I was actually saying because they were more focused on seeing how long I could make it without a breath.

The same thing can happen with writing. In journalistic writing, it's important to get straight to the point. The more you drag things out, the more likely it is that your readers are going to get bored or wonder when the sentence or paragraph is going to take a break.

When you have a sentence that is cluttered with so many words that it becomes difficult to follow, it's called wordiness.

Here's an example from a New York Times article titled "Classified Files Offer New Insights Into Detainees":

Yet for all the limitations of the files, they still offer an extraordinary look inside a prison that has long been known for its secrecy and for a struggle between the military that runs it — using constant surveillance, forced removal from cells and other tools to exert control — and detainees who often fought back with the limited tools available to them: hunger strikes, threats of retribution and hoarded contraband ranging from a metal screw to leftover food.

That six line paragraph is actually one sentence. Even with the sentence broken up with dashes to set off a chunk of qualifiers, the sentence still feels cluttered. It would be much better broken down into more than one sentence.

The sentence could be rewritten in the following way:

Yet for all the limitations of the files, they still offer an extraordinary look inside a prison that has long been known for its secrecy and for a struggle between the military that runs it and detainees who often fought back with the limited tools available to them. While the military uses constant surveillance, forced removal from cells and other tools to exert control, detainees turn to hunger strikes, threats of retribution and hoarded contraband.

 While there is still a lot of information in the 2 sentences, it is significantly easier to digest the information when it is split up.

When it comes to writing, keep it short and sweet. Make sure your writing takes a breath once in a while!

Glaberson, William, Andrew W. Lehren and Charlie Savage. "Classified Files Offer New Insights Into Detainees." The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/25/world/guantanamo-files-lives-in-an-american-limbo.html. 24 April 2011.